Prairie Doug

My Better Half

2008-07-13T23:04:00.003-05:00

Let me start by saying how much I Love my wife Catrina.
God bless her for having to deal with me!!!
Catrina is a very unique woman.
She is a great mother.
She is an awesome cook.
She loves watching football with me and usually is a lot more vocal than myself.
She loves to read and listens to a unique range of music.
She really enjoys letting go and relaxing (Unfortunately it doesn't happen enough to ease all the stress she has to deal with)
She is not a shopper and does a much better job maintaining our money than I could.
She can see through any story or expression someone is trying to put on her.
She is very straightforward and says exactly what she means.
I cannot communicate very well and when I do I usually say the wrong thing.
First of all let me say I was supposed to and promised her I would talk to her before I joined the military. I didn't!
I am, as a husband supposed to hold up and support her, I don't.
I am, as a husband supposed to treat her with respect and dignity, I don't.
Our future isn't very solid. I'm really hopeful we can, together dig ourselves out as I am just caving in the walls of the hole we're in instead of digging.
Prayers at this point..... are probably..... the only thing holding our thin facade together.

Hopefully I will get back on track with a little counseling

Real Re-Entry

2008-07-13T22:13:00.002-05:00

Where do I begin.... how about I'm in the Army now!!!
I would like to say it was a great experience and it was if you don't mind sleep deprivation and starvation. The training was great and could have been better if we could have gotten enough sleep to learn more.
I now know I should have come in as a sergeant instead of a staff sergeant. I was out too long for that pay grade to really be valid. As First Sergeant Torres said "you're fast trackin now"
I really appreciated his confidence in me. That experience should help me prepare for my new position with the 974th.
"Fort Sill sucked" there is no other way explain it. Knowing that I would have to go there and the experience I had I would never have gone in, period.
Sante Fe was OK but just not enough sleep to focus on the lessons and trying to stay awake and not disrespect the cadre was a major issue in itself. The food sucked but that was to be expected.
The training was good and the cadre were knowledgeable and for the most part very respectable.
Camp Stallion began my undoing, there wasn't enough time to handle all the responsibilities that were demanded of the student first sergeant. Motivation is one of the major issues I had, as time went on and the lack of sleep and food built up, I was physically dragging. It seemed that some instructors enjoyed forcing the last group out of the d-fac early. If I wasn't at the end of the line every time this wouldn't have added up on me as it did. The last 2 weeks I was starving at chow time, I walked out of chow hungry 3 times a day.
White Sands was OK if not for the issues above which again contributed to not being able to motivate everyone else especially on the field exercises. I feel someone else younger may have handled it a little better but that is all behind me now. I am definitely glad to be home 20 pounds lighter than when I left. Now on to the rest of my training.

Holy Flush

2008-03-21T22:11:00.002-05:00

I never ever thought I would say that I experienced the worst lent in my existence. I totally blew my time. I have been so focused on my problems that I never even went past my meal prayers or did anything meaningful towards our Savior. I have been outside of communion for over 3 months and it looks very sure I won't even be in for Easter mass. I have had a few opportunities at confession lastly and most assuredly in Stillwater last weekend. Father forgive my lack of desire to lay out my faults and ask for forgiveness. Hopefully I can make amends next weekend as Holy Saturday is sitting in my lap as I type.
I am completely and totally feeling the lack of being needed as my military bid is long on hold and may never come around. SSG says there is a lot of restructuring going on and the network is having major trouble. So I think they just don't want and or need me. I have found myself considering the Air Force option as I really don't want to go Navy again. It just wouldn't be the same as MIUW.
Work is looking a little better but I still find myself mentally sliding into another job or getting the magic bullet and getting a Government job in Italy possibly near Rome. That would be 100 times better than winning the lottery which I don't play " due to religious convictions" that's a laugh right now.
Low is good because that is where I'm at right now, hopefully I will find my way out soon, sooner would be a lot better. The only thing I have going for me within me is my ability to sit and wait as apathy is tight all over me like a latex glove. God help me this Easter!!! Hopefully this will be the last passive Easter I ever experience, Ever!!

What If??

2008-02-24T22:01:00.002-06:00

What if we wanted to work somewhere based on the fact that we really enjoyed working there?
What if the draw to that particular company was not the money or prestige or anything that falls under the auspices of wantonness need. What if we wanted to work in a place because we loved the environment we work in? What if we knew what kind of work each other did and we enjoyed trading places with them because of the change of pace? What if our boss had to make us go home because we enjoyed what we do so thoroughly? What if the more I made the less I enjoyed the work? What if I knew what I didn't?

On Rejoining the Militay

2008-02-23T08:42:00.002-06:00

I for one am not up to the task of trying to justify my existence in this life by throwing in the towel and crying for help.
I do however feel that the way things are going in my work and my personal inattention to happiness with my profession calls me to re access my goals and priorities.
I still think there is more one can do to make a difference in this world. I also feel that feeding the incessant needs of wanton peoples and having the backlash of a company not willing to back it's product's backbone with custom expertise has a major and negative impact on all employees.
We are smack dab in the middle of an era that demands the service industry provide excellent products and the knowledgeable technicians to when needed will have every answer within their grasp.
There is nothing worse than trying to fix something that A) doesn't work quite right B) No one in the place of employment has a 100% grasp of the product C) was designed and installed by consultants who really don't fully know what there doing.
I do not in any way shape or form place the blame on any one person, natural objection would call to mind my supervisor whom I trust 100% and hopefully can emulate. Anyone saying that he is to blame would be dead wrong. He is in a major pickle as the company hasn't given him and others near him the time or the funds needed to train his personnel not to mention care for the second set of facilities.
I personally feel that the company has mis planned (both financially and physically)for the past and current major projects and is trying to keep a listing ship upright.
This and fact I have no ability within the company to try and right and or do damage control; I have sought some refuge within a flawed by very structured system that is and will continue to steeped in honor. I feel that within my own presence I have all but faded into a facade of my former self and the discipline and honor will do me a lot of good. Besides I wish to follow those who carry honor within them rather than those who may feel honor gets in the way of a paycheck.
I also know that this negativity is choking me from my connection with my Lord and Savior whom I should Love above all things. I hope that bringing myself into this system will reintroduce my fervor for worship and trust in prayer through whatever trials and situations may arise.
The last and final reason for this is my personal desire to stay strong and healthy which the desire of doing well and maintaining myself will provide the conduit.
I have and always will maintain my affection for family time which can become ever more sacred with the advent and imminent possibility of activation.
There is nothing more personal or grave as not knowing how much time one has left on this earth. My desire to salvage every moment and make it last while placing my future outside myself will do more for me now. As I know someone can take charge of my life and say go here and do this, I also can build on my foundation of trust in God. This I can take solace in, this I can desire as the ultimate goal.

My Better Half

2007-11-30T19:03:00.000-06:00

Catrina,
"In you, I've found the closest, truest friend of my heart."
Inspite of all that has happened and will probably still happen from time to time, you have stayed your course even though I have done my best to screw it up.
I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate all that you do and all that you put up with.
Thank You for loving God with me.
Thank You for hanging with me through tough and sometimes stupid decisions while I try to find my place in this world.
Thank You for loving me unconditionally and accepting me with all your heart.
Thank You for raising our children with me.
Thank You for doing your best to be You.
Thank You for not changing because of things I say or do out of ignorance.
Thank You for putting your life and your health above denial so you can heal.
Catrina I can't imagine being somewhere else and not having you in my life, despite recent decisions and ideas, it wouldn't be the same knowing you weren't part of who I am.
Hopefully and God willing my days and nights will be spent walking hand in hand with you and lying side by side with you until we pass this life.
I Love You!!!

Yearnings

2007-11-09T18:56:00.000-06:00

A while has come and gone and many decisions have been disposed of, still many more remain. I recently had a friend join the military after 41 years of being a civilian. I like most people initially thought "what the hell is he thinking?" but I began to look into what he was getting into and decided he was making a good move. I hope as he is still in boot camp at this point that he still feels it was a good move. After initially talking with him when the the news came out I came away with a sense of sincere gratification he had for joining. I never really realized how strong his convictions were in this area.
I often wonder how people justify their existence on this planet we live on. I don't necessarily mean that in a negative way either. I simply think too many of us have no purpose in mind and "simply float through life like lumps of crap" through the septic system. (I did borrow that line from a famous scene of a movie 'A.S. in B.M.')
Everyone should have some purpose greater than themselves or their immediate family that drives them to make decisions based on ideals for the greater good of man. Chris has made such a decision and I am proud to call him a friend. It is selfless actions such as his that makes this country a great country. It is also the lack of these actions that will ultimately lead to its demise. I really feel that leaders of the future will be making true gut wrenching decisions based on moral and ethical considerations rather than personal comfort or polls.
It is in the lack of such leaders that I see things adrift in putrid squalor. Until this country gets off its me kick and starts doing for others rather than asking for handouts from the government then the end is not far off. People need to develop themselves by serving others in some capacity. Everyone able should be required to serve in the military or Peace Corps and experience firsthand the land of notta, until you know what it is like to not have rights or freedom you shouldn't be a member of this great and crumbling nation.
Chris, I salute you for your vision and desire to serve now and in your future endeavours which for now remain future. I understand the desire for service and will support that decision always.
Vivat Jesus !!!

New Leaves

2007-04-19T22:11:00.000-05:00

Occasionally one finds the need to change his outlook and broaden his or her horizons. These times may include buying a sports car or a Harley or some other sort of personal present. In my estimation of living on this planet and experiencing what life America brings I feel it is time to step out of the box. I feel the need to experience life on the other side, that is outside the relative comfort and coziness of this my life. Being from simple and rather modest beginnings, and knowing the pains that parental divorce can inflict on ones ego, and now feeling extremely successful and blessed with all a man could ask for I feel I need to step forth into the darkness of extreme uncertainty. How much can we really enjoy this life if we don't try to come into understanding of the conditions that exist outside our realm. Desiring to know and experience life outside can bring one closer to grasping the total picture. Sure on occasion people here can experience a traumatic event and before long everyone falls back into step with every other American marching to the beat of the retirement drummer. I know I don't want to fall into that beat because I feel it isn't correct and that people need to live life as they go. So much of our time is spent in anticipation of some mythical end were we lie around the pool sipping Ensure and waiting for the next game of shuffleboard or horseshoes. why not live as though that tomorrow may never come and enjoy each breath with those who love you. Those who know me know I have always disliked the idea of retiring and feel the devil himself has forced it upon us as a duty when it will actually pull you away ( most cases not all) from God instead of give you time to grow closer.
Basically I mean going into another world and trying to help those less fortunate than 90% of all Americans. Fear really doesn't equate into the picture as I feel I carry many blessings and comforts with me. Rationally it is equivalent to social suicide as I would be walking away from a cushy well paying job and lots of comforts to live in utter squall er and misery while preforming deeds I have been blessed with. I don't expect many people to understand this thinking but I do know that I am loved and supported in all my efforts by Catrina. This is in reality a shot in the dark at a dream of shattering the perception of a comfortable existence. Ideally I feel that will bring me closer to knowing God and understanding our being here. The bud is on the tree and only time and prayer will see if it turns over a new leaf.

Good Friday !!!

2007-04-06T19:15:00.000-05:00

I'm here to say my Lenten journey has been severely marred by my lack of focus and commitment to preparing myself for the resurrection of our Lord. Not withstanding is my failure to get to reconciliation and this will be the first Easter since Catrina and I 's marriage was blessed in Norman that I won't be receiving communion. Don't cry for me, cause I had it coming with my lack of focus. Obviously I need to step up to the plate and get back into the game with a necessary
and meaningful Act of Contrition. I have been trying to learn prayers in Latin and that may have been messing with my focus. Some would say to just ask God for the forgiveness I need and move on, but some don't realize the critical dynamics of forgiveness in this our life. My heart is obviously not in the right frame and being on call this Holy weekend has been an obvious problem. I hope that I will never be on call during Holy Week ever again. That being said, I'm copping out this year and I will once again be in communion with Christ very soon. Life comes at you fast and it is easier than ever to fall out and blame other things for your demise, as I sit with Catrina and Cara and watch the "Passion" I will pray that I will never again fall into this sloth which now envelopes my soul. Pray for me!!!

Rough Week

2007-03-02T23:42:00.000-06:00

Anyone who knows me, also knows I'm pretty passionate about certain things. I'm also pretty stubborn concerning my stances. I feel that my stances are exactly in line with church teaching. I'm sick and tired of people running over (with a Mack Truck) things I hold as absolute. The world isn't going to get any easier and people keep moving farther away from truth for the sake of convenience or comfort (AKA feels good). I also suppose that anyone bored enough to read this is begging me to get to the point.
We all know the world is over sexualized (if you don't feel that way I'm fixing to kick you in the chops,so to speak)
Beef # 1: Mainly for all you would be terrorists who feel blowing yourself and/or others is going to get you heaven and all the virgins you desire Listen: there won't be any sex in heaven, give up the bad fight cause you do it and well, HE double hockey sticks.
Beef #2: This is going to hurt, all you older or younger guys who think sex additives(viagra, cialis,etc.) or enhancements is the key to happiness give it up. God lets each of us enjoy these thing in a proper way for varying time. In other words when it stops working you've had enough and it's time to focus on something more important.
Beef # 3: This is mainly for all those bible fearing couples. Birth control is not from God and if you want him in your life you need to drop it. It is really hard for Him to get involved in and bless your marriage if your keeping Him out of the most intimate part. Just ask Onan what he did.
Beef # 4: Just because you can watch porn doesn't mean you need to provide it to others in case they 'd like a peek. Give me a break, some individuals need to grow up, there is not and never will be anything good come from porn. Money isn't an answer but an excuse, random viewing will cause serious perversion in the male mind and marriage will disappear. A serious porn viewer is a scourge on society, enter the penal colonies.
Beef # 5: Atheists have great faith in nothing and believe it religiously. God bless you all, sex can be everything you never believed and more. I can't understand being here with no direction or meaning, enjoy what you don't have and what you don't believe cause forever is a long time to be nowhere.
Beef #6: Know your vices and repent them regularly, I sick and tired of righteous people caught up in loser denial. If you are a church going person and have regular vices, then your screwed. Thinking that you can repent these regular things while your committing them adds malice to it. (In lay mans terms "you screwed") Even worse thinking is believing that your saved and nothing can touch you, eeeennnT, wrong answer, the bible says no one no principality or any thing can take salvation away, it does not say that you can't take it away. En guard.

Ash Wednesday

2007-02-21T11:00:00.000-06:00

I'm laying in bed sick from what seems like some sort of flu, as last night I was both freezing uncontrollably and burning up with a temperature over 102. I still can't breath well and am hoping that I can get back to work in the next day or so. For now I will just rest and blog a little.

I desire to label my intentions for lent and the things I will try to give up. First and foremost I will try to control my eating as I enjoy very much eating all the time. This will include limiting my proportions and no eating after 6:30 ( Dr. Bautista)
Next I will try to reduce my morning cozy ritual of sleep for a walk with my wife and maybe a dog or 2.
Last I will try and read more of the bible as I subscribed to a daily readings podcast.

Re-entry

2007-02-16T23:03:00.000-06:00

It has been far to long since I last entered any text here. I had changed my schedule and late night blogging wasn't working, obviously I have changed back or in my case reverted to laziness. I was swimming 2500 to 3000 meters a day 5 days a week and felt excellent. I now sit here almost 3 months fro hitting the pool or any other workout for that matter. My company has just put out this years sign-up for the Y and I'm struggling with whether or not to do it. Everything outside my immediate family seems to me to be up in the air. Or as it seems to me I have to come back into existence with the world outside my immediate family. I'm extremely happy with our traveling to Liberal every Sunday for mass. Although, I really don't think it is ever going to be possible for us to really integrate into full parish life outside the mass, due to the driving issue. Catrina has been an inspiration to me as she has been driving to adoration on an early AM schedule and enjoying it. The other day I had not even remembered she had gone and that kinda scared me. I realized later that day when we were talking that she went and I spent the next couple of hours trying to figure out how I wasn't aware she had got up (2:45AM) drove 40 miles to adoration and returned for another hour of sleep. Clueless I am, I have to get my head back in the game. Distracted by things that don't matter, and clueless of things that do.
Sometimes I wonder if we would be better off on an island all alone, it would be easier and harder, but at least we could focus on us and not everything else. Denying I am, the conviction of witness we are all destined for. Sure it is easier to regress into oneself and deny any existence but you can't continue without paying your fare share. "Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood lives in me and I live in him" My purpose has always been pretty clear, I just need to buckle down and dig back into this world. Denying it would really suck. Bear with me.....

Iced Tea, "What the hell is that"

2006-04-28T22:53:00.000-05:00

I was arriving Oman via seagoing tug from the Persian Gulf with the "tiger team" of MIUWU 113 from OKC. OK. Despite the fact that I was a member of the Navy this was the first overnight trip on the ocean. It was an absolutely excellent trip and for the first time I felt at home and comfortable on a boat.
The water could not have been any more blue and you could see way down and watch the sea snakes working their way through the water.
Once we arrived on the dock, the joint British/Omani contingent arrived to greet our commander and run us through disembarking procedures. Our equipment would be inspected especially our weapons ( down to serial #'s and number of rounds) and we would begin to offload to a holding area. We became aware of the stifling heat right away as it was close to 125 F and immediately started gulping our prescribed 8 liters of warm water .
Once we had offloaded all are equipment we were assigned quarters on a troop ship which used to be British and had been converted for the Omani troops. What conversion might you ask could be required of a once Royal Navy ship? Toilets thats what, yeah they had taken out perfectly good toilets and put in new smaller pipes and squatters. Omani's must be small people as our heads were hanging out of the curtains and we looked like some sort freak show as we did our business. For your convenience they had installed a small hose (which looked like a siphon hose) to spray the business end of ourselves. We didn't even try and used the first rolls of our pallet of toilet paper. We found out later as the ships engineers came up yelling ( no comprende) at us that we had clogged their precious smaller pipes. It was a real riot trying later to use the water hose. After we had set things in motion and found our quarters, we were allowed to rome freely around the base as it was after 2 pm and closed down for the day (heat). We had been told that we would be welcome at the British club on base. I was the first one in the door followed closely by some 5 others of my team. I was pleasantly and totally surprised to see a vast amount of alcohol on board. You see the Brits (retired Royal Navy contracted as trainers for the Omani navy) have everything in place and proper order. I was amazed because we were told no alcohol anywhere in the Arabia's. They must have made a deal (as they are on for 4 months and off for 1 month) to pacify themselves in this horrid place. Myself, being on duty and not having considered the option for alcohol while here for 3 weeks walked up to the bar and asked for an iced tea!! I must have been speaking chinese or something cause the whole place stopped in its tracks.
The Brit behind the bar asked me "what the hell is that?" We have tea but not with ice!!
Just because we speak english doesn't mean can communicate. We usually think we have it figured out so why do things almost always come around on us. Before we walked in there I would have bet 1,000 dollars they would've had iced tea. C'mon it's hot here, is a glass of cognac really the best thing
here?
Think you know everything? Think again, God is a mystery in almost all he does, so don't ever let your mind get the best of you. Belief is beyond perception and communication is our way of dealing with unbelief. Don't discount what you don't know, but don't dis it either. Given time you will be ready when the Spirit decides you are, hold on.

Greetings for Easter ,,,

2006-04-12T23:08:00.000-05:00

Great blessings and gifts have truly been presented to my wife and I. Recently, we were called by a young but very orthodox couple who just had their first child. Although we knew who they were and they us we had not really known them well. To our surprise they asked us to be godparents to their 3 week old son. We told them we are honored to have been considered let alone chosen for this great gift. They came over to become better acquainted with us and we could see the love of Christ is their actions and words.
Although we have been chosen before as godparents, it has never been outside the family; but then again what constitutes family?
Beyond the bloodlines runs the very deep flow of Christianity and in all the world nothing is more familiar than the brothers and sisters of Christ.
Mostly one thinks of the gruesome aspect of the "Godfather" movie which is the hollywood perversion of a blessing bestowed on others.
The godparents are both witnesses and partners in the development of the child's faith. If the parents should fail or fall the godparents have the obligation to help and nurture the faith of the child. It is an obligation we take extremely seriously and one I will cherish in prayer and deed.
Hopefully with God's blessing we will be able to carry this task to fruition as our godchild grows into a man. I have every confidence his parents and extended family will devoutly instruct him as they should.
Beyond doubt there is always more at work in this life than any one person can possibly comprehend, the path is narrow, rocky and treacherous but occasionally there is a sign saying
your headed in right direction...............
God Bless You

Exile .......

2006-04-08T10:06:00.000-05:00

My self made exile has been difficult but also fulfilling. I realize and I'm sure Catrina does that at some point we will go back and end this. My hope that things will resolve themselves and our priest would come talk with us about what happened have all gone out the window. It seems to me after talking with a dear friend that I must take the step of going in and talking on his terms. My fear is that he feels he did nothing wrong and I am bothered increasingly by what is supposedly floating around about our departure. I know that shouldn't bother me but I respect many in my faith community and to date (almost 3 months) only a handful have even called to see what's up.
We dearly love going to Liberal to St. Anthony's and if it weren't for the drive and the fact we really can't contribute as parishioners should (3 T's) then we'll have to work things out here in Guymon. We have been praying the rosary on the way over there and that really prepares you for the Mass. Catrina and I are closer than we have ever been and I feel that this was definitely the best thing that could have happened considering the circumstances.
I only really have one major vice I'm still dealing with which is my love of eating. One of these days I will figure out how to die to self and put aside my desires for gluttony. I honestly don't know how our Lord pulled off forty days of fasting, that's definitely spells Divine in my book.
My swim workouts have gone by the wayside and I hope within the next few days to get them going full strength. Prayer is the only hope now as I feel my need for staying in shape slipping under the mat. I hope I can look back on this episode in my life and see where I stepped off the curb and out into the street full of Mack trucks. God will provide answers in time and right now as far as I know I still have a couple of days. "KNOW GOD no regrets" short and to the point.

As The Water Leaks ????

2006-03-06T19:16:00.000-06:00

Most of the time when you have a small bubbling stream in the front yard there is also a lot of pain and suffering along with it. Yes I had a water leak in the main line to the house. I forgot the part about the expense but I assume everyone knows that already. We found the small leak at about 11am on Saturday and I called my supervisor to ask for a vacation day Monday. We decide to store up as much water as possible and go to Mass in Liberal that evening shutting off the line before we left. Mass was great and we came home to a house with no running water and tried to relax. Sunday morning about 10am I got busy digging, the girls came out and helped and so did Catrina.
By 2pm we had found the line buried 4 FEET DEEP! By 3pm I had secured the parts and by 4pm the line was patched and the water was turned on. Now most people would really have to complain about the circumstances but I find no reason to complain. First of the weather; gorgeous 70 degrees, second; hey its the dead of winter, third; one of these days that old steel line was going to blow a gasket, fourth; my family and I got to spend; a gorgeous day in the dead of winter replacing something that was going to happen anyway; together, digging a hole. Everyone had a good (great would be pushing it) time and the water is back on for now. Until I can dig up the rest (which includes a large hole under the house) and then we'll have a plumber
come do the new line. God usually gives us opportunities to do things right if you think and pray about it. Despite the fact we were all tired and dirty we still enjoyed the afternoon bonding against the common enemy, bad pipes. I don't know about you but for my girls running water is a priority and if you don't believe me turn off the water for a couple of days and see how much you miss it.

The Lamb's Supper

2006-03-05T04:36:00.000-06:00

One of the books I got for myself at the conference was "The Lamb's Supper" by Scott Hahn. He is an intrigue to me because A: he was a successful Presbyterian minister B: gave it all up to join the Church and C is a magnificent speaker and writer. I heard his conversion story shortly after we moved back here and was moved beyond myself at the level of intelligence and honesty he brought to the plate. The first book of his I read was " A Father Who Keeps His Promises" which fundamentally deals with God's Promise as kept in covenants( excellent book). I have wanted for a long time to read "The Lambs Supper" as it deals with the intertwined Mass and Revelation and so far has not disappointed me ( I really don't figure disappointment and Hahn even come close to ever being used together). Most cradle Catholics can't come close to realizing the serious and detailed nature of the Mass. I, as a cradle Catholic, really haven't been able to separate the routine
out of the celebration and focus intensely as I desire in the coming weeks, months and eternity on the Mass. So much is there happening before our very eyes, ears, nose, touch and taste that only a fervent desire to have "Church" as John does in revelation will truly bring one to the fullness of the truth.
We went to Mass in Liberal, KS. at St. Anthony's and I was able to start Cracking open my senses asI truly desire but so much more work on my part is needed. Father Tony did a fantastic job at celebrating the Mass and I feel blessed to be able fully appreciate my being there. I feel like finding the desert that our Lord was pushed into and spending a lifetime there.
We watched "Therese" the movie which received no press( obvious reasons) and thoroughly enjoyed it. I think I can find the desire to emulate her as I feel close to her type of personality.
I definitely recommend a viewing as it is truly a masterpiece that most will never here of.

And You ARE ?!?!

2006-03-04T08:45:00.000-06:00

Last night I went to check the two new 400 watt MH fixtures I put up over the last two afternoons at my companies north office. They were bright as I had expected as they replaced two 150 watt
HPS that didn't work with any regularity. You have to look at these things at night because it isn't dark during the day. Anyway as I was moving to different positions in the parking lot( I do admit to moving somewhat erratically as the parking lot was empty and I was looking for good angles to view aspects of my lighting job), a Ford Excursion (really massive SUV) came charging up full bore(stopping right in front of my little Malibu) and challenged me as to my intentions. Somewhat startled I fired back I'm checking my lights and pointed to the building behind me. He said who are you and why are you turning on and off your lights as you move around. I said my name and that I worked for my company and he said Oh I thought you looked familiar. I said may I ask who you are ? He stated his name and said something just didn't look right to the way I was moving about the parking lot. I smiled and well thanks for checking on things and he left.
Later as I was praying the rosary I just had a terrible time concentrating because of that incident. Problem is that everything was OK so why was I so bothered by that? He in my opinion was genuinely concerned that something was up ( as he is a business owner) and I had every reason to be doing what I was doing in checking my lights for the company even though I wasn't on the clock at that hour (10 pm).
My dilemma is that I have a hard time dealing with the fact that someone was thinking ill of me.
My perception of myself is fundamentally rooted in my anal nature to assure myself everyone is happy with me. I suppose that is why I have such a hard time trying to figure what my pastor has it in for me. After confession at the conference I really felt excellent and good about everything, so why have I not resolved this issue( a major one)? I've been freed by the power of Christ's Church on earth so why hasn't the other end tied itself up? Hearts need time for conversion and that process is complicated so for now the drive is still a welcome thing. By the way I still feel lucky that it is only 40 miles to another Catholic Church, I would hope I could be happy about driving 1000 miles for "Heaven on Earth".
God Bless

Rain

2006-03-03T23:13:00.000-06:00

We received for the first time in forever, rain. I was working on our North office when small amounts of water started hitting me for no apparent reason. I was and am elated to be receiving this moisture as we are very much overdue for it. There will probably be less than an eighth of inch total but it was still enough to make dry dirt muddy. Hopefully I won't have to make this big of a deal again but living in the dust bowl causes one to say what goes around, comes around. My Rosary is calling so I'm going to call it night with high humidity.

KNOW GOD no regrets

2006-02-27T07:40:00.000-06:00

I have on my left hand a (jelly type) bracelet with those words. During the 8 hour conference at a Catholic High School in OKC I was drawn deep into this phrase. All of the speakers were amazing, Rev. J Glenn Murray, Dr. Dunn Cumby and the always popular William Federer. The cake of the conference went to Robert Rogers http://www.mightyintheland.com a man who lost everything and can still manage exalt God in all things. If you ever have a chance to here him speak, drop everything and go. Once you read on his web site the story he endured, take time to click on the drawing his daughter drew of herself and the balloons (The Balloon Story). I came home late Saturday night and wanted to share that story with her but couldn't compose myself enough to tell her. Last night I disturbed her reading and asked her to listen as I wept through the story. I can't say anymore, God Bless You All

Pray for Us !!!!!!

2006-02-24T09:13:00.000-06:00

I'm delighted to be going to Oklahoma City this weekend for a Catholic Men's Conference titled "In The Father's Footsteps" . It is a Catholic version of "Promise Keeper's" with a Mass at the end and always a great uplifting-recharging type day. It has been four years since I have been able to go and my soul battery is horribly low due to the recent ( past months) events. St Anthony's in Liberal, KS. has definitely been a excellent help but I grow very weary.
My nephew is going with me in lew of my boys who have work and school to deal with. I am looking forward to seeing if my nephew will really respond as I have in the past at these events.
It is so easy for the men these days to disregard the ability to openly worship and sing at your voices most. These manly tendencies seem to get in the way of the Spirit's work among us. I already spoke of my experience in boot camp and am hoping he can break through as I did and be truly open to the multitude of sacrements available.
Hopefully I can return to a more regular writing schedule and appreciate those who put up with my sporacity in dealing with life as I know it. Love Always

The Crucible of the Heart......

2006-02-09T23:31:00.000-06:00

I just finished writing a letter to members of my parish council outlining the reasons for removing my family from the parish. My heart pains me terribly and I had hoped for some kind of resolution but the council headed by our pastor would not here it. We had tried to discuss the matters in private but that was denied. Several council members told us that they missed us and thought we should come before the council. We have been going to a parish almost an hour away because we thought maybe it was just us. Although we have been accepted already at the other parish we have helped put a lot into this parish and we are devastated to leave. We are still devoutly Catholic and will always be in Communion with the Church and our Brothers and Sisters in our own town, just not welcome by our pastor. Prayer is the only answer at this point ....................

New Favorite Band............

2006-01-08T00:10:00.000-06:00

For several months now a good friend of mine has been telling my philosophy group about a band he really loves. He really knows music and once had a band called Ebenezer Church, he can't be stumped on anything of the rock nature as he knows it all. His passion had set me out in search of this band that he so loves. Being in the panhandle of Oklahoma presents a challenge out side of the Amazon connection to buying anything but mainstream music at the local Wally world. So delighted was I to find out that my college freshman son had several of their albums and although he likes them he thinks Dream Theatre is a better progressive rock band. I've now had several weeks to take in three of their albums and can honestly say I love them. I was really astonished to learn that they have been around more than 10 years and I had never before heard of them. Porcupine Tree is the band and I have In Absentia, Deadwing, and Coma Divine and so far Blackest Eyes , Lazarus , and Trains top the list of my favorite songs. They are extremely talented and their songs can be appreciated on so many levels. I'm still trying to grasp some and still trying to experience their depth while just enjoying the music. I am here now at this point in my life. I still marvel at the fact I can experience new joys that others may never know. God Bless Us All!!! How many other good things are out there waiting to be discovered? It gives me great hope and wonder that there may be hundreds and possibly thousands of things I have yet to discover and enjoy, here's to living!!!!!!! The more mind blowing thing is that all these things together can't hold a candle to the pleasure of spending an eternity in God's presence....... .. . . . . .. . ....

The Color of Money..........

2006-01-01T20:36:00.000-06:00

One of the gifts my Father in law gave my 4 children was a clean crisp $50 dollar bill. My teenage boys really appreciated it, my 12 year old daughter also really enjoyed it, but it rocked my 6 year olds world. Now I'm not saying that she has never had any money, but its always been $5 or $10 dollars which is usually enough to buy someone else a present from Wal-Mart. $50 is a different story, not because she realized it was a lot more than she had ever had , but because after buying presents for her 5 family members she received money back. I believe that was the point her current concept of money was born.
Today, which is the oddest New Years Day yet( no college football bowls) and nothing really to do other than play games or talk which doesn't go to for all day, we decided to go to the movie store and get a couple of movies. Both girls decided to pay for a movie of their choice as their older brothers were going with friends to The Chronicles of Narnia again. My 6 year old received the membership card from her Mom as she clutched her piggy bank packed full of her money. I've never been one for paying a lot of attention to things as my wife will attest to, but I did arrive at the movie store with both girls in tow. When we arrived at the store my 6 year old bee lined for the movie she had been hoping for Scooby Doo Where's My Mummy and was ready to check out. I asked her where her money was and she said held up the membership card happily and shook it with a smile saying I've got the card. I explained to her that it wasn't a credit card and she would need some money ( i forgot to make sure she had it!!). I didn't bring any as I rarely carry any anyway and suggested that we have her older sister( who was now ready to check out) pay for it. This brought out the problem of paying her sister back and she freaked out. "Take me home and get my money" she demanded. I told her that her sister would pay for it and that's that. She was upset and upon arriving home she went and told her Mom that she wasn't going to pay her sister anything for the movie she wanted. "Why? What is the difference?" her Mom asked her and she explained that her sister wouldn't give her money back as the person at movie store would. She went on to explain that when you buy things you get more money back and you can always go shopping to get more money or go to the bank and get some there. Fancy that, I've had it all wrong all these years. God provides for us at any age but reasoning money isn't part of that provision. Most people never realize an ability to account for money but having a child's perception can gain more reward than most adults will ever realize.

The Great California Beach Sleep....

2005-12-30T23:27:00.000-06:00

We were on Seal Beach in San Diego doing coastal drug interdiction in cooperation with ATF and the DEA. The fun was all around us as Buds were out at all hours doing there best to survive the grueling training they have to endure. My surveillance unit was dropping sonar buoys out along the invisible line in the ocean separating Mexico from the US . We had been there 2 days when one dusky evening we were on the beach in front of our tents watching the Buds practice beach assaults. We watched intently as units signaled in to receive the appropriate landing area. They had to be a mile or so out and we could see there flashes intermittently as the waves bobbed them up and down. We couldn't understand who they were signaling as we seemed to be the only ones on the beach. As they came in the assault was in as complete darkness as the moon would allow.
Some of the units dealt well with the rough surf and others didn't deal well with it. A few of the zodiacs were rolled and they all ended up on the beach waiting in a ready position around their boats. To our surprise and amazement small piles of seaweed started moving toward them. The SEAL instructors had washed up disguised as seaweed right under our noses and we were a surveillance unit! That night I fell asleep to the sound of the ocean beating against the beach a mere 40 feet away. Every time we went back I really looked forward to the sleep knowing someone was out there watching out for me. Knowing that can make you feel special and if you think about it someone is watching out for us all the time. We can't always be by the ocean or some other ideal place for that matter. Realizing that we have someone watching out for us is half the battle, trusting that someone is the other half . So when you think about it every night could be a night on the beach in San Diego. Trust wholly in God and sleep well.
God Bless You All

Are we inside the box or out????

2005-12-17T21:43:00.000-06:00

Recently my daughter and I went to see yet another movie that just came out. My daughter of 12 seems to talk a lot better (to ME) when we are alone in a theatre full of people. There is definitely something surreal about the isolation in the center of movie, I mean were else can you experience the beauty of being a father while enjoying a living book encompassing life. The book is one by C.S. Lewis basically about experiencing true life Outside ( or in this case Inside) the box. We had previously seen Harry Potter 4 together( another book) which in essence deals with the same subject. Belief and magic have to go had in hand. Do you believe in magic? There is both good and bad existing here and now, standing side by side. Now I'm not saying that the things going on in either movie are true and real, but the message that comes out is basically the same. How can we as humans possibly grasp the concept of a virgin birth, the resurrection, and the trinity, not to mention the bread and wine becoming the true presence of our Lord Jesus if we don't believe?
Granted the C.S. Lewis epic is far more compatible with our Christian presence and illustrates the mystery of sacrifice in a unique way. They both present the mystery that things happen that cannot be explained and are referred to as magic. If that is the best word we have to conform our adult minds to that concept then I say go with it. We could all use a little childish wonder when we worship. If these movies get us in touch with those feelings of wonder than I say they were more than worth seeing. The next time you walk past a wardrobe or for that matter a lone boot take the time to thank God for the ability to let reason pass you by once and awhile and enjoy the scenery, it may just save you.

On Dry Spells.....

2005-12-07T21:09:00.000-06:00

Recently I became aware of the fact that I hadn't written anything in a while or for that matter anything else other than work, sleep and swim. Today with much warning and fanfare, a coldness not felt in these parts for more than several years came blasting in and reminded me of other things. It seems that the dryness that comes with extreme cold and heating(of the home) always starts to affect me. Now that I am swimming nearly every day this become increasingly pronounced. I realized my reading has also slipped way back and my bible study is just a thought Sunday morning as I prepare for Mass. For that matter my prayer life has gotten to a sloppy prayer at bedtime and the occasional prayer during a peticular dangerous part of my workday.
Sometimes I wonder if I really get everything I'm supposed to? I mean if God really did all that he did and gave us his Son then why am I not constantly begging for forgiveness and beating my chest for mercy? Thanksgiving reminds us what we should be thankful for and advent prepares us for the coming of the Lord. Why then do I bask skillfully in the doldrums of idleness? Why can't I break free from all this monotony and fly headlong into my future knowing what I know? Seasons are God's way of taking the monotony out and refreshing our soul if we can break out of our shell long enough to become aware of it. You see I jumped onto the easy path where all is okay and everything is comfy and normal. It takes a lot of concentration to meditate the rosary at night because I'm tired and don't feel like it . My studies forgotten because it is easier to come into the comforts and not bother with such tedious work as contemplating next weeks readings. An icy push is the wake up call, remember hell will be like dry ice burning and freezing you for all eternity. God's love is warm and inviting, remember that next time you walk in from the cold and thank God for heat.

Bedlam ....

2005-11-26T10:28:00.000-06:00

In a little bit I'll be in the pool for a quick 1000 M ( mainly to help curtail the extra stuffing I had) and them prepare myself for a great football game. I went to school at Oklahoma and my family have been avid fans of OU ever since. Recently my eldest son started in college ( which I assumed until last year would be OU) at Oklahoma State and this is our first experience with the true bedlam nature. Isn't it odd that things don't work out as planned? It is almost like even though your in complete control your really not, psych. Next time you feel things aren't going your way, stop and say thanks God, if you hadn't been in control things could have gotten really ugly.
Go Sooners.

Who Really Cares ?????

2005-11-24T10:26:00.000-06:00

Recently during a trip to my company restroom doing ..well you know, another person entered
and relieved himself in another stall and walked out. No big deal right ? Wrong, on the way out he turned off the light, mind you I'm not scared of the dark or unable to operate in the dark. Was this unknown person being mischievous or just caught up in his own personal existence and not aware I was in there? I would have to say the later; I can't take credit for knowing much but I am aware when another person is in the room. Call it a disturbance in the force or my spirit rejoicing that another spirit is present, why then do some people go around cut off from being aware of others?
People have always been guilty of being fixed on there own problems and I 'm as guilty as any of dosing off occasionally, but come on we all know people so fixed on there own materialistic world that they don't notice their fellow man much less acknowledge them. If we feel our group isn't aware of us maybe its time to find a new group to be around. We are called to not only recognize our fellow man but also see his best qualities and build them up. We can easily be like the moon and radiate light but no heat. Let us try to emulate the Son and not only give off light but also heat.
Such is our case for being with others, we all need to be loved and recognized. Seek out those whose spirits are rejoicing that your there and not those who are caught up in the fake light of their own moon.

Flaming Golf Balls!!!!!

2005-11-24T04:18:00.000-06:00

So far this week has been real busy and work has gone late most nights causing me to not have time to get on. With the Advent( no pun intended) of Thanksgiving things have been really busy and my wife has been prepping the house for a usual suspect. My eldest son came home this evening and everything was fluffed and primped for his arrival. My younger son was at work when he arrived and although they talk several times a day they were going to go out and listen to some music and talk when he got off. My daughters were by the way greatly anticipating( giddy with extasism would cover it better) his arrival as they miss him so much. To apise there time( we rarely watch any TV) we played mario party and set it for 45 turns (a long time!!). Once he arrived we had shouts of glee and rejoicing from both Mom and daughters and our Thanksgiving had officially begun. Later we finished our long game and went to bed . The homecoming son son stayed up and watched some TV while waiting for my other son to come home from work. With peace and contentment in the air I fell asleep next to my better half. My youngest son then woke me up and bade me to come to the door, Uh !!! Its 1:30 AM 24Nov05 sleepily I got up and proceeded to the door. A police officer was standing just outside and I knowing him greeted him and asked him in . "Come on in I said" my boys now flanking me in an odd moment of unknown authority. "Sorry to bother you under these circumstances but we need to talk" he said as he came in , " I found these two out at the lake and saw a paint can next to the vehicle and I was concerned they might be huffing " "upon asking the driver (my younger) if it was his he denied it " . He proceeded to check the car and found the cap to the paint can ( its a tough thing to be caught in a lie, especially when its the law). He had my older son drive back to the house as he was sure my younger son was drunk or something Conclusions can be more readily drawn when a lie has already occurred. Here is where I'm standing, the officer tells my younger son he could have arrested him for being out passed curfew( 18 and younger) but since he knows me decided to let me handle it. After thanking him for not doing what he could have and wishing him a good thanksgiving I sat down and had a conversation with my boys. To sum it up they thought it would be cool to douse a golf ball with spray paint light it on fire and drive it into the lake. I trust my boys like no other and give them a lot of leeway but there is a burn ban and they lied about the incident to the police. Owning up to any problem is most of the battle, confession is key in this world and without it your out. Respecting authority is fundamental and waying consequences before actions is key,
but driving a flaming golfball is impossible due to physics and the nature of fire. God gives us free will and a whole lot of leeway but it is probably best to keep the ball on the fairway.
Happy Thanksgiving

On Support....

2005-11-19T17:48:00.000-06:00

I really am surprised some times that people may become aware that someone else is out there.
For the most part we post on these blogs to achieve a sense of existance(or indentity) if you will.
I never really expected anyone but myself to view what little babble I write. Then there was concern that somehow someone who knows me would come across this and I would have to be careful if that happened , but who cares ? Everything I put down is true and the names have been left out to protect the innocent. So I proceeded believing no person would see this or for matter care. Things never work out as you rationalize and someone notices which still blows me away because, who am I? I really do appreciate any commentary and enjoy commenting on other blogs.
It is very difficult sometimes to comment on things which may or may not actually be occuring. One can only rationalize that some of these experiences are from occurances or experiences from reality. For those who may live in a fantasy are authors of very compelling material that I will continue to enjoy. Mystery is on your side and alas there it will stay because life is a big mystery.
Thanks for the link and God Bless You.

Daddy I'm Bored ....

2005-11-16T22:03:00.000-06:00

I just got home and my wife and older daughter were rushing out the door for Confirmation classes. My youngest daughter came and jumped on my lap and said "Daddy I'm bored and I need to get out of the house" . She has just gotten adjusted to a new class in T-1 and is feeling a little restless after finishing her homework. She asked if we could rent a movie or go to the new arcade that just opened up. I told her we would check the paper and see what's happening in this great city. After looking in the paper , we decided to go see a movie " Chicken Little" . She was really excited and we got ready quick cause it was 6:55 and the show starts at 7:00. We ran out the front door and crossed the street ( we only live 2 blocks from the theatre) hussled in the mall and down to the box window. After getting the tickets, she said she was going to pay for the drinks and popcorn and pulled out a crumpled $5. I told her she could use it for the arcade after the movie since our tab came up to $9 and she agreed. She and I thoroughly enjoyed "Chicken Little" and after the movie we tried to win a stuffed animal in the crane game at the arcade. We raced back home, got changed and read a book while sipping orange spice tea. She was definitely ready for bed and gave me a big squishee hug after prayers and thanked me for being her dad. If only every day ended like this I'd never have a care.

On Rebellion*******^+

2005-11-15T21:19:00.000-06:00

Many things can be said about those who choose to rebel. In a way we all rebel to some degree or another and Americans are well known for their rebellions. But what of those who continue against all odds to rebel for whatever reason. I mean you have those that will rebel at the drop of the hat, don't care what its about or what the cause I'm rebelling! How about those who choose to make a statement by dressing like their favorite sports star or celebrity. How about those that rebel not buying a certain product or label. How about those who speak out on a cause someone else is already covering or manning quite well. Americans can show their disfavour by speaking out against their country and after all it s okay cause of where we are. Rebellion is really in American blood; "I don't have to follow what anyone says cause I'm my own man " we all seem to say. What of Christ and where do our loyalties lie with him ? Can we really be goats each beating his own drum and grazing on what we wish? How about being a sheep . In doing what the Church says aren't we really following along behind the saints before us. If Americans really want to rebel, drop the materialistic propaganda and join in the Marriage Supper of the Lamb. Rebellion never felt so good!

Tea at bedtime....

2005-11-14T20:53:00.000-06:00

My daughters have an interesting bedtime routine. We have always read to all of our children, the boys who are in college and high school read voraciously. The girls take a more enjoyable routine of cuddling up with Mom and Dad and a cup of hot tea. My older daughter (6 grade) loves getting to quietly sip and savor her tea(vanilla almond) as she reads. My younger daughter(first grade) loves being read to and when the tea(orange spice) is the appropriate temperature she slams it down without a care. I can't thank God enough or for that matter my wife for giving me the chance to experience what most guys will never get to experience. If I die tomorrow I won't complain because I've had tea with princesses and been blessed with memory to know it wasn't a fairy tale.

I can mess up the easiest things!!!!!

2005-11-14T19:12:00.000-06:00

You scored as Goofy.

Your alter ego is Goofy! you are fun and great to be around, and you are always willing to help others. You arn't worried about embarrassing yourself, so you are one who is more willing to try new things.

Goofy 81
Peter Pan 75
The Beast 69
Pinocchio 69

I messed up the transfer. HU Yuc !!

A Spouse in Need........

2005-11-11T11:18:00.000-06:00

At a recent meeting of my fellow philosophers, a question was brought up about what we would do if a this situation arose. The situation is that you notice your buddies spouse is messing around on him;do you tell him? Of course you can only be a percentage of sure unless your the one doing the messing around and then you would be 100 percent sure defeating the reason for speaking up. There was an element of uneasiness in the comments and most said to one degree or another that they would for sure say something otherwise leave it alone. To be sure, if your buddy found out that you knew he would probably be upset with you when he found out. I simply said in absence of extreme conditions I would not say a word which was not received very well. I have to give the benefit to the spouse because A) I don't know her very well. B) This matter is between husband and wife. C) it is none of my business. There is an element of trust between man and wife that no man or woman should interfere. The Spirit of God should be at the heart of Christian marriage. It binds the two into one and when problems occur and they do, the Spirit suffers. Communication of the heart has to occur or the marriage will die. Nothing I can say or do will repair the life of the Spirit. Truth be known the buddy has already felt the loss of chemistry long ago, his spouse was in the same boat. Feeding the soul is each person's responsibility and a spouse is responsible for helping the other side along not detouring them. It all begins with the Supper of the Lamb and we all need it now. Be faithful to God receive forgiveness for your sins and everything else will follow, something like a Shepard and his sheep.

Is That Really Such a Good Idea?

2005-11-06T20:56:00.000-06:00

We had been in Saudi for nearly 2 days and were staying at an abandoned track stadium. Our unit had live ammunition and we had set up checkpoints and done drills to prepare for a possible attack. One particular afternoon a Saudi officer of the royal marines came to talk to one of our commanders. He said he was preparing a mock attack with his highly trained marines and wanted to see if we could respond correctly to it. I'm afraid its not possible our commander said, we can't just do a mock exercise. The Saudi said that he was assuring his men won't get to physical and only had blanks in their weapons. They will begin within the hour and we will stand up in the stadium and watch. Our commander said (alarmed at this point) you can't do that you have to call it off! The Saudi said why do you want me to do this ? Our commander remarked that our men have real ammunition and were kind of jumpy right now. The Saudi cancelled the exercise immediately. Being prepared sometimes means asking questions in advanced. God has given us the ability to reason so go ahead and ask, the day is coming are you prepared?

A Wave in the Right Direction.....

2005-11-03T11:11:00.000-06:00

I've always been accustomed to waving at other people. Living in a small town were visibility is an everyday thing and working for a public COOP, you get seen a lot. Waving sets the public aware with you and lets them know we recognize them. Recently I took a trip to update my license which required a 700 mile round trip, when I'm in my private vehicle I have a hard time remembering that I'm not in my company vehicle. To make a long story I am addicted to waving at people and sometimes things( yes I said things). I've caught myself waving at signposts or stopsigns while preoccupied with other things. On my trip I tried to not wave as to try to control my need and sure enough when I would go through a small town someone would wave and before I knew what happened I would wave back. Reflexive or ingrained I'm not sure but I know it's in me and I can't control it. We want to know the unknown and be familiar with the unfamiliar, God designed us that way, in his image and likeness. You can run but you can't hide from it, and given time you can see it others you pass on the street. Go ahead give in and wave you know you want to.

Paradise Lost .....

2005-10-30T08:48:00.000-06:00

It was my watch teams first day off since we arrived on Kauai for Rimpac operations. My team and I had decided to take a short hike on the far side of the island called the Na Pali coast. Keep in mind once again that I and most of my watch team are from Oklahoma, Kauai is a major change from reality. After a long 45 minute drive to Kee beach (the farthest point a vehicle can go),we set off on our hike to Hanakapai beach which is only a few miles. The hike was immense fun, so totally lush and green. I was running down these small trails which turned in an instant and could fall off the trail only to be speared or raked with plant life before ending up on the jagged rocks below.
We arrived at the beach only after crossing a meager but beautiful creak with a rope tied across about 4 ft. high. We were all really confused about this because it seemed like a big waste of rope.
It was a classic struggle on nature as the ocean had pushed this meager creek back 90 degrees and forced it over another 300 yards to a cliff region at the far side where it was finally allowed to empty into the ocean. The waves were huge and the beach was gorgeous and we stopped to take in the whole scene. Our next move was to hike up a trail toward the falls of the same name, the trip was steep and quick as the trail moved back and forth across the creek( keep in mind the creek is only 15 to 20 feet across with large and small rounded stones in it , and then
the deepest parts are maybe knee deep). After crossing a sheer cliff area we arrived at the falls and immediately dove in and started swimming, the water was extremely cold, but hey, you only live once. We had only been there for about fifteen minutes when the rain came, It was light at first but soon became a torrential downpour we decided we would head back fearing a rise in the creek. One of our group had twisted an ankle and was slow working his way back down. The lead pack had already been broken out of sight, myself and 4 others hung back and worked with our comrade to help him down. The trail quickly disappeared beneath the onslaught the rain became, we had to guess on the appropriate way and crisscrossed the creek several times. Needless to say each time we came to cross it the water was a little deeper and a little faster. Two of our group decided to stay on one side and not cross again. The three of us slowly imped down the trail and found the beach again. Unfortunately we were on the wrong side of the creek to get back to our vehicle. The rain was unmercifully beating us down and we were all getting cold as we were in T-shirts and shorts. The rest of our group stood on the right side of the creek which was now a raging river (in my opinion). To our amazement the creek which had been turned aside by the ocean had cut through the 20 meters of sand and spilled directly into the raging waves. The rope that we had once laughed at seemed now to be our only way back across the water was now at least waist deep and very dangerous. It was tough going and I now have a great appreciation for running water and the need to stay out of it. There was no sign of the two who left and decided to stay on the other side. We dispatched all but two of us back to the vehicle to call for help. The water was now nearly 4 foot deep and raging beyond control. Three hours later the rescue team found the two, cold and pinned against a cliff on top a huge boulder. God gives us friends to love and cherish, Love them and stick with them through thick and thin, otherwise we can get washed away.

My Chances....

2005-10-27T21:36:00.000-05:00

I'm done washing the dishes and have a sink I need parts for, there is always something for me to fix. Things weren't always this good but I can appreciate where I've been.
After arriving in New York with the puffy orange coat I can remember being tormented by kids calling me carrot boy. One day it was just to much, I went home and up to my room threw my coat on the floor and lost it for quite awhile. I asked if anyone would ever love me if I would ever find that special someone who would like me and my orange coat. That night, I dreamed of a girl I had only seen once when we had picked her up in our old home town for a spring concert at school. I was in New York and this was not the answer I was looking for.
6 years and many moves later I married her, don't get me wrong , I was an immature kid and caused all sorts of problems for us. She was the second best thing that ever happened to me, at the time I would have said the first but I was already trumped and didn't know. She's a southern girl blond hair,blue eyes and petite. She loves to cook and is an excellent homemaker and the best Mom their is. She brought me back to the land of the living and nurtured me into reality. She is the reason I live on the plateau, the dishes are no problem, fixing things are just icing on the cake. She's my equal, she keeps me fresh, loves lives in her. God blessed me way more than I deserved, some day I'll know what I did to deserve her. Until then, I'll just have to enjoy my life and take my chances loving her.

Got Rights...???

2005-10-26T21:55:00.000-05:00

As I stood alongside the bus and below the metal sunscreen I wondered if they really knew what's going on . We arrived across the border from Bahrain heading into Saudi Arabia. My unit members and myself had to unload all our gear onto the roadside for inspection by the Saudi police. They were looking for crosses, bibles, magazines and eve n pictures of loved ones to revealing for Saudi eyes. Knowing what little I knew about Bahrain and the way things work I couldn't comprehend how all the other people of the Saudi line could not know what was going on.
In Manama, Bahrain "the Las Vegas of the Arab world" anything can happen for a price. I know that women are imported in for entertainment and most likely never aloud to return. Shieks or high ranking whoever can go and enjoy full vices and I guess not feel bad about it or really care because they are above it all. Women have been and always will be objects or at best second class citizens . How could these inspectors really take their job seriously if they really knew all this. As we started packing up our entire bag of clothes and gear I thought about the Filipino woman we had met several years earlier in Oman. We (10 in all) had stopped at an American fast food restaurant in Muscat because we didn't expect it to be there. This beautiful woman came out from behind the counter when she found out we were American. It was really tough to watch her beg each of us to marry her so she could escape the country. Only three were unmarried and they were advised by our senior that it would major trouble if they proceeded as we were there on invitation from the royal navy. I never will forget it and I truly never will be the same. Thank God your where your at and pray for an end to hell some women face every day.

Bad Trend .....

2005-10-24T20:31:00.000-05:00

It seems to me that a lot of people are moving away from a family oriented household. More frequently, I have been seeing kids with not only TV's in the room but also computers. This may not seem like a big deal but I can guarantee it really is . Consider a family with several kids all with there own TV's / computers in there room. Dinner is more likely to be served there and the child is more likely to not come out except for school. Kids need to have supervision and communication with their parents. This trend basically blocks all lines to your children out unless you want to e-mail them. Please keep the TV's and especially the computers out of their room. You don't need any more than two TV's and have one central computer. Don't forget, if you ban these things in their room than you must do the same, lest you become a hypocrite and lose all their respect. God gave us our kids to love and cherish no to push out of sight. Have a meal together and just talk about things. Satan wishes nothing more than separating families and breaking that bond. Stay involved your kids will appreciate it.

Purity Defined,

2005-10-23T09:00:00.000-05:00

As I reflect on the last week, I recalled a discussion I had with an intelligent young man I work with. We happenened to be discussing different aspects of our faith and Mary (Theotokos) came up. I stated that the Church declared her sin free only after enough naysayers had said otherwise.
"Sin free";" how can that be when the Bible says that every man has sinned " he quipped. I said she is not a man. But somehow that didn't wash, I asked that if God wanted to could he make someone sin free ? If he could have put enmity between the devil and the woman ? He said that he felt that maybe during pregnancy that Mary could have been sin free but not her whole life. The fact is she was sin free as the Church defined. She has always held that position but just recently defined it. She is purity in a definition and we should respect that . She didn't have to cooperate with God but she did. Through that cooperation our savior was born . God Blessed her and us

A brief Glimpse of Heaven.....

2005-10-19T21:40:00.000-05:00

Many years ago I had the pleasure of going to Oman with my Navy MIUW unit. I was on the tiger team which means we deploy first and get the equipment set up. After several days of temperatures close to 130 F, we got acclimated to the conditions and set about the task at hand.
We set up our equipment near the edge of an Omani naval base and within 100 feet of the water.
After setting up and testing to make sure everything was going to work we had to set a watch and maintain till the rest of the unit arrived. I received the first night watch. We returned to the troop ship the Omani's had set up for us as it was still about 3 in the afternoon.
The three of us arrived back at the site about 8:30 at set about preparing to assume the watch.
Our equipment was about 15 feet from the chain link fence and constantina wire about the top and the previous watch had set up camoflouge sun break between the fence and our equipment. By now the word was out at the village, which was just 1/2 mile past the fence and off base, that some strange things were going just inside the base. 4 or 5 boys between 10 and 12 had gathered at the fence and what I suspect were their little sisters were staying a dutiful 100 feet away as their older male siblings had commanded. After trying for a while to talk in broken english they themselves were called away as the sun slowly disappeared into the sea. Evening prayers were announced and we went about continued work to get the site up to snuff.
I've been in other Arab countries and this was the first time I had felt a sense of security as the darkness began to grow. By about midnight the darkness unreal and only a few faint lights could be seen both in the base and the village. I with the other two had been extremely busy and had not really stopped and surveyed the scene. I climbed up on top of our equipment (10 feet off the ground and laid back and opened my eyes. The sky was filled with more stars than I in the midwest could comprehend. I felt closer to the stars almost like I was in space floating . A cooling breeze blew lightly over me and the gentle lapping of the waves brought me back to reality. My time on top was mere minutes but I lived years in those minutes. The shear magnitude of it all was so overwhelming that I can still bring it back as if it were now and my soul is still stirred by it.

My Curse,,,,,

2005-10-18T21:42:00.000-05:00

When my parents divorced, my world was torn in two. I can still vividly remember the day my mom pulled me out of class (6th grade) gave me an orange puffy coat and told us we're not coming back. Sucks to be me; but I soon got in with an easy going, respectable crowd that enjoyed partaking of herb. School was going badly and mom was working her butt off to take care of myself and my brothers. A friend and I soon found a dumpster chocked full of adult magazines.
So at ripe age of twelve I learned what it was like to be a man. Day after day, week after week,
my friend and I became very popular kids and had access to everything. We only lived at that location for about a year and I wasn't ready to leave when it became time. By now I smoking daily and had a horribly distorted view of what life was really like. We are all searching for something in this world and somehow I had gotten off to a really bad start. I've been paying for my inadvertent upbringing in many ways. Human sexuality is a beautiful gift created by God. Humans with the help of the devil find a way to distort this beauty and make it bad. To really appreciate my wife has taken many, many years and a lot of heart ache. God bless her. Some people there is nothing at all wrong with adult entertainment, but I know better, I know it was a curse to me . I was searching for something and for a while I thought I was in heaven. Its taken many years and more than my share of grace and a lot of forgiveness. Peace comes in small doses. Love accepts me as I am and the curse someday will be lifted.

2005-10-14T22:30:00.000-05:00

Prairie Doug

Party Time !!!!!

2005-10-14T21:29:00.000-05:00

This weekend marks the return of my eldest son from his first 9 weeks of college. I have tried to not
get to excited as I don't want him to think I really miss him. It's really pretty silly behavior but he is our first and I love him a lot. We are planning to prepare several of his favorite food groups and hope that he can settle back into the security of being here for fall break. Relationships between father & son have always been a mystery to me. He never really seems interested in conversation
unless he is away and then usually opens up and starts talking. I'm sure at some point it will all get
easier and as long we keep him in our prayers he be doing alright. For now I'm content to enjoy the homecoming and pray that time will forget our house for a while.

2005-10-13T21:29:00.000-05:00

The Big Mouth.,.,.
One of my biggest problems has always been the subject of gossip. It almost never fails, after confessing my sins, someone or my own stupid self will entice me into talking about something or someone. Such has been my struggle for some time now until something I never could have imagined happening happened. I had partaken several times in discussing a certain female who I had heard many bad things about. It had been difficult for me to even go to this persons house knowing what I knew in my heart was true, so I thought. Events occurred and this person was divorced from her spouse whom I was sure was a saint. Within a few months, I found out this person was dating was dating my nephew. Now realize this my nephew is a great young man , not without issues of his own. Regardless, I was not really happy about this new problem that was occurring. The talk continued, wondering if he new all the bad things she had supposedly done.
Fast forward a few months "yes I said a few months" a wedding was announced and I was pretty sure he just completely flipped out. Time is said to heal all wounds and it occurs to me God has no relation to time. He transcends it and I know that in those moments of my weakness
he was shaking his head saying Doug my son don't you know me ? I knew what I was saying wasn't gospel so why was I doing that. As I watch my niece loving and caring for her kids and my nephews as her own I know that I was so wrong. God has forgiven me I just hope she can.

2005-10-11T21:58:00.000-05:00

Hot Water......
Not so long ago never mind exactly when I discovered a minor leak in the line of the hot water heater. This was very stressful for me in that I had just removed and repaired the lines several months earlier. Once again I stepped up to the plate and told my wife I was more than capable of fixing it as I had the previous time. I had taken an easier route before of using CPVC instead of sweating in copper. I concluded I may have had a bad fitting which was married up to another piece of copper pipe. I decided to go back the same way and proceeded to remove the water heater
and clean up the damage. Fortunately it was a Saturday and I had the time to get the parts and make it all work. By the evening of the same day I had completed the task at hand and prepared to turn on the water, assuring the natives that they would all have a good hot shower tonight. Damn I'm good I thought as I turned on the valve. I proceeded to the water closet to inspect my masterpiece and rejoice in a job well done. Upon getting to the closet I noticed a small leak on the same connection I had just replaced; no problem I'll just tighten it up. When I put the wrench on the connection and turned the connection broke and instantly hit with the full pressure and everything was for not. I was instantly reminded we could have had a plumber fix it.
I proclaimed its really not that bad, we can just shower in cold water. The natives poo- pooed the idea and made plans for a hot shower elsewhere. I being right and dirty proceeded to prove that's its no big deal . Upon entering the shower I knew I had to be strong and enjoy it with all sincerity. Quiet was the key, they were all listening. The next ten minutes was the most agonizing I had ever experienced. I now know what hell will feel like. I couldn't take any less time they would know I didn't enjoy it. God has always appeared as a heat source; ie the burning bush, a pillar of fire, a consuming flame. I truly believe hell would be more like dry ice . The absence of God's burning love for us his creation. If you don't believe me just try it, I guarantee it is hell on earth.

2005-10-10T21:14:00.000-05:00

Every Breath You Take..... ... ... ... .. . .
I've always enjoyed swimming , ever since I can remember I have cherished the ability to swim. Only a few times can I think of that I ever got scared while swimming . Most of the time this occured when kids or my brother got me in a bad position and I was held under to the absolute freak point. As I swam my laps this morning a thought occured
to me, how often do I take for granted the air I breathe? I always try to push myself a little further and get in more strokes to my breath . What kind of show would I put on after getting in a long set and come up to breathe and find nothing ?!! I wish all people could take time and appreciate what they have each second . A couple of times a week in front of the Blessed Sacrement , prayer and breahing deep can cure anything you have including fuming????..... ..... ..... ...... :)

2005-10-09T21:20:00.000-05:00

i still remember vividly the first time i awoke from death. i was in boot camp in San Diego and had little regard for worship or God in general. We were allowed to go to services for the first time in 3 weeks since being indoctrinated. i was just wanting to get away from the absolute control our Master Chief's had over us. (I still feel like everyone should have to go through boot camp or something similiar to experience a loss of freedom.) i had planned on getting a couple of packs of extra smokes after the Mass because i could make a little extra money from those who were'nt going. i filed in with a couple of buddies who were in the same boat as myself. We took up a position in the rear of the theatre (keep in mind i'm from a town of 10,000) with probably 400 to 500 other young men around us . Sure i had been baptised and recieved the Sacrements as a kid, but you see i had to when i was younger. This was different but i was just in search of an escape, i had no plans of continuing after i was out of this prison. Then it all changed, not really paying attention to anything but my person freedom i heard the entrance song start up. For the life of me i don't remember the song but I just melted. I was caught up singing for all I was worth. I walked out knowing there was a God and he is greater than anything we can create in our simple minds. How is it that so many people go through life searching for something they don't know. We die at 25 and are buried at 70 knowing less than the day we arrived. How is it I was able to receive so much that day and others never did?