New Leaves

Occasionally one finds the need to change his outlook and broaden his or her horizons. These times may include buying a sports car or a Harley or some other sort of personal present. In my estimation of living on this planet and experiencing what life America brings I feel it is time to step out of the box. I feel the need to experience life on the other side, that is outside the relative comfort and coziness of this my life. Being from simple and rather modest beginnings, and knowing the pains that parental divorce can inflict on ones ego, and now feeling extremely successful and blessed with all a man could ask for I feel I need to step forth into the darkness of extreme uncertainty. How much can we really enjoy this life if we don't try to come into understanding of the conditions that exist outside our realm. Desiring to know and experience life outside can bring one closer to grasping the total picture. Sure on occasion people here can experience a traumatic event and before long everyone falls back into step with every other American marching to the beat of the retirement drummer. I know I don't want to fall into that beat because I feel it isn't correct and that people need to live life as they go. So much of our time is spent in anticipation of some mythical end were we lie around the pool sipping Ensure and waiting for the next game of shuffleboard or horseshoes. why not live as though that tomorrow may never come and enjoy each breath with those who love you. Those who know me know I have always disliked the idea of retiring and feel the devil himself has forced it upon us as a duty when it will actually pull you away ( most cases not all) from God instead of give you time to grow closer.
Basically I mean going into another world and trying to help those less fortunate than 90% of all Americans. Fear really doesn't equate into the picture as I feel I carry many blessings and comforts with me. Rationally it is equivalent to social suicide as I would be walking away from a cushy well paying job and lots of comforts to live in utter squall er and misery while preforming deeds I have been blessed with. I don't expect many people to understand this thinking but I do know that I am loved and supported in all my efforts by Catrina. This is in reality a shot in the dark at a dream of shattering the perception of a comfortable existence. Ideally I feel that will bring me closer to knowing God and understanding our being here. The bud is on the tree and only time and prayer will see if it turns over a new leaf.

Good Friday !!!

I'm here to say my Lenten journey has been severely marred by my lack of focus and commitment to preparing myself for the resurrection of our Lord. Not withstanding is my failure to get to reconciliation and this will be the first Easter since Catrina and I 's marriage was blessed in Norman that I won't be receiving communion. Don't cry for me, cause I had it coming with my lack of focus. Obviously I need to step up to the plate and get back into the game with a necessary
and meaningful Act of Contrition. I have been trying to learn prayers in Latin and that may have been messing with my focus. Some would say to just ask God for the forgiveness I need and move on, but some don't realize the critical dynamics of forgiveness in this our life. My heart is obviously not in the right frame and being on call this Holy weekend has been an obvious problem. I hope that I will never be on call during Holy Week ever again. That being said, I'm copping out this year and I will once again be in communion with Christ very soon. Life comes at you fast and it is easier than ever to fall out and blame other things for your demise, as I sit with Catrina and Cara and watch the "Passion" I will pray that I will never again fall into this sloth which now envelopes my soul. Pray for me!!!