Holy Flush

I never ever thought I would say that I experienced the worst lent in my existence. I totally blew my time. I have been so focused on my problems that I never even went past my meal prayers or did anything meaningful towards our Savior. I have been outside of communion for over 3 months and it looks very sure I won't even be in for Easter mass. I have had a few opportunities at confession lastly and most assuredly in Stillwater last weekend. Father forgive my lack of desire to lay out my faults and ask for forgiveness. Hopefully I can make amends next weekend as Holy Saturday is sitting in my lap as I type.
I am completely and totally feeling the lack of being needed as my military bid is long on hold and may never come around. SSG says there is a lot of restructuring going on and the network is having major trouble. So I think they just don't want and or need me. I have found myself considering the Air Force option as I really don't want to go Navy again. It just wouldn't be the same as MIUW.
Work is looking a little better but I still find myself mentally sliding into another job or getting the magic bullet and getting a Government job in Italy possibly near Rome. That would be 100 times better than winning the lottery which I don't play " due to religious convictions" that's a laugh right now.
Low is good because that is where I'm at right now, hopefully I will find my way out soon, sooner would be a lot better. The only thing I have going for me within me is my ability to sit and wait as apathy is tight all over me like a latex glove. God help me this Easter!!! Hopefully this will be the last passive Easter I ever experience, Ever!!